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God created our bodies to enjoy sex – what's not to enjoy?

Archive for the tag “rejection”

The Sex-Starved Marriage – It’s NOT just about sex!

‘The sex-starved marriage” TED talk by Michele Weiner Davis

Excellent reasons why one should not reject their spouse.

Top Ten Things to Do to Survive a Dry Spell in Marriage from the Wife’s Perspective – Guest Post

My friend V. L. Holt (her bio is at the bottom), who also wrote this guest post, “Sex as Rocket Science“, recently went through a short dry spell in her intimate life with her husband.  I asked her if she had any advice for women going through dry spells because of their husbands periods of lack of desire.  She consented to let me share her wisdom:

“Top Ten Things to Do to Survive a Dry Spell in Marriage from the Wife’s Perspective”

Before you freak out, have a little faith. There really are wives out there who enjoy fulfilling sexual relationships with their husbands. And when we hit a dry spell in our intimate life, we feel the pinch.

10) Find a new hobby. Very little can compete with the massive endorphin flood you get from an orgasm, so choose carefully. Bungie jumping off a bridge or sky diving are great options.

9) Visit amusement parks. Again, we’re trying to duplicate the hormone rush of good sex, so the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland isn’t going to cut it. We’re talking the Kingda Ka of Six Flags or Top Thrill Dragster of Cedar Point. With speeds upward of 120 mph, a girl can get mighty happy mighty quick. It’ll do.

8) Night out with the girls. Since hubby isn’t putting out, then it must be time to go out. Nothing gets so gut-bustingly funny as a bunch of real Mormon housewives drunk on being kidless for an evening. Plus being around extra estrogen can help tone down your sex drive so you’re not so peckish.

7) Speaking of hungry, the right food is the right stuff. Since you’re missing sex, you’re going to want to find something that will be a decent replacement without creating an even more keen desire. Avoid aphrodisiac foods like oysters, certain mushrooms or Indian food. (Think Kama Sutra.) Instead go for the things that you usually avoid because of the risk of bad breath. Garlic-stuffed cheese bites, sardines in mustard sauce, spicy BBQ pork rinds. Gnosh away!

6) Cuddle time with the kids. Studies have shown that women are capable of surviving with less sex than men comfortably because of the hormones that are involved in cuddling kids. Oxytocin and relaxin are just a couple that get released when you’re hugging or smooching on your toddler. Or adrenaline, if your toddler doesn’t want to cuddle and you end up chasing him all over the house brandishing a stuffed duck and a picture book.

5) Take flying lessons. All by yourself. If you get my drift.

4) Sex isn’t just about orgasm. Some other benefits are bonding (see #6) and unifying a couple. So if the reason you’re not making whoopee isn’t health-related, try an activity with your husband that unites you. Ganging up against your rebellious teenager whose grades mysteriously dropped two levels in one quarter can really unite you. Support your husband as he takes away the car, the phone, the internet, the bedroom door and one of the three meals. Your united front will bring you even closer.

3) There are some things you should probably avoid, you know, if you don’t want to be reminded of your low period. Things like sexy movies, sexy books, or cucumbers.

2) Surf blogs about married sex. Sometimes it’s nice to know that you’re not the only woman out there who is pining for the sweaty desperate yoga move called the beast with two backs.

1) Find a new hubby. Oh, oops! Typo! That’s not what I meant! I already put find a new *hobby* up at the top! What I meant to say, was try a little thrill-seeking stunt, like donning a raincoat and nothing else, and streaking through the park. Or if you don’t mind swallowing your pride, you could try begging for sex, but I don’t recommend it. If hubby really doesn’t feel like it, then you’re both going to feel lousy after he refuses.

I hope you enjoyed these nifty suggestions for surviving your sexual dry spell in marriage. If you end up trying anything illegal, you didn’t get the suggestion from me. And if you end up trying anything death defying and getting injured…well then hubby gets to take care of you. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll give you a sponge bath.

 V. L. Holt

V. L. Holt is a SAHM of six kids ranging from missionary age to nursing age. After the third one came along, she asked a good friend how did anyone manage to make any more? Her friend suggested pushing a dresser in front of the bedroom door.

Holt also spends time writing. Her most recent accomplishment was 97: Rise of the Battle Bred, a young adult paranormal with ironically, no sex in it.

If you get a chance, check out her book.  It’s a great read, and proof that good stories don’t have to have graphic sex in them to make them sexy.

Thanks V for the great advice!

 

 

Rejection – a horrible feeling

I wrote about this experience on another site several months ago:

The other night as we lay in bed, I reached over and gently began to rub my husband’s pubic area.  I wasn’t looking for sex, but if it went there that was fine by me.  I just wanted a connection, to feel him, to be close to him.  I gingerly rubbed around his groin, playing with the hair – it wasn’t going anywhere for him – and that was fine (mostly).  It was comforting to just lay there and feel him. I needed to feel him.  Suddenly, he took my hand and lifted it away and placed it on the bed.  I knew he didn’t feel good, I knew he was stressed, I knew I shouldn’t take it personally -but somehow it felt personal!  It hurt, a stab of pain in my heart – and tears welled up in my eyes.  Was I not attractive to him any more, did my touch repulse him now?  I rolled over and thought of all the times, the zillion times, over and over, I did the same to him.  How many times he must have felt the same pain, asked himself the same questions.   Yes – rejection is a horrible feeling.  It cuts to the core of our being and makes us feel unloved, unwanted, and unattractive.  It hurts!  Sometimes it is not personal – but it always feels personal!

A couple of weeks ago, once again my husband was under a lot of pressure at work and had a lot of stress going on in his life from other sources too.  His libido took a huge nose dive, and every time I initiated sex he turned me down.  I tried to be understanding, but after one episode of being pushed away, feeling really hurt I blurted out “Rejection really sucks and it hurts too.  But I guess you know that since that’s all you got from me for so many years.”  He looked at me in surprise and said, “I am not rejecting you.” 

“Really?”  I replied!  “What the heck do you think you are doing when you pull away or turn away from me?  If you are NOT rejecting me, then why does it feel like you are?  I would think that you of all people would understand rejection and how it feels.”   He had no answers for me but over the next few days he changed his behavior!

I am guessing he understood the feeling of rejection – all too well, he just didn’t recognize it from the other view point!

 

 

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