In my enlightened state of embracing sex and with my new-found recognition of its value, I would like to think if I could do things over in the early years of my marriage that I would definitely do things differently and would be very sexual with my husband often, because of the knowledge I now have about the positive power of a good sexual relationship in a marriage, Then… I watch my grandkids for a day or two to give their parents a break – and I think – nope, I probably wouldn’t have a lot more sex than I did, even knowing what I know now. I would want to, and I would try to, but I am pretty sure I would fail. Every time I watch those sweet little grandcreatures – it all comes back to me! Children can really do a number on a woman and kill her desire to have sex!!! I’ll be honest with you, if I was raising children again, I am not sure much would improve, at least in the sexual frequency area, from how it was in our sexual desert years. No – instead I think the frequency would still be about the same, sad to say!!!
What??? How can you say that? You are supposed to be pro sex, and helping other women to embrace their sexuality – all women – even those with children! Don’t abandon us poor suffering sexless husbands now!!!
I can say it, cause it’s true! It’s true for me and millions of other women – children, especially little children, have a way of sucking every ounce of sexual desire out of a woman. Sorry men – it’s just an unavoidable fact of nature.
Pay attention guys – this is important!
Here are 3 of the most common ways children killed and still kill my sexual desire! (anyone relate here??)
1. Children are physically exhausting. I mean dead tired – can’t barely lift a leg to get into bed – don’t ask me to turn out the light – my head barely hits the pillow and I am out – exhausting. Then invariably – after a couple of hours of sleep, one or more wakes me up for some stupid reason – like vomiting. And the most maddening thing of all – there is a snoring body in my bed while this is going on – one that doesn’t even have a clue that I have been up every hour on the hour throughout the night. So by the next day – when I have to start over, I’m already exhausted and it goes down hill from there. The only desire left in this exhausted body – is the desire to sleep. Blessed, uninterrupted, heavenly, blissful sleep!!!
2. Children require physical touch all day long and lots of it. Holding, hugging, grabbing, carrying, picking up, sitting down, rocking, wiping, bathing, etc. etc., so that by the end of the day – the thing that is dreaded the most is more physical touch – touching or being touched – by anyone. In fact, at this point, anything touching the skin, even a sheet, feels like sandpaper and is irritating! So don’t take it personally guys!
3. Children are emotionally draining. How do you convince a 2-year-old who insists on taking 3 hours to dress himself when you have to be at an appointment in 5 minutes? How do you get 3 children and a screaming baby out of the car, into the grocery store, back out to the car, along with all the 15 bags of groceries and then get them all home without forgetting any of the children… or the milk you stopped at the store for in the first place? milk? oops … would that be the white stuff running down the driveway?? And how do you control your anger when the 5-year-old kicks over the 3 year olds blocks, rips off his 7-year-old sister’s Barbie doll heads for the 6th time in the last 2 hours and then runs to the bathroom and locks himself in before anyone can get their hands on him? Figuring out how to be the loving, patient, wise judge, teacher, chauffeur, doctor, psychologists, mediator, juror, and jailer all day long is emotionally draining. Sliding into bed to show love and adoration, while being amazingly sexy – just doesn’t seem to happen when you start from the position of sitting on the floor, tears flowing down your face because you just screamed at one of the kids that they will never get another drink in their entire life – ever, if they even think about getting out of bed again tonight – AND they just got out of bed again anyways!!!
I mean really guys – where does sex fit in with days like this? With children – most days are just like this!!!
You guys ask, “So what are we suppose to do then, just go without sex until the kids are gone?”
Yup – Either that or …
Don’t have kids in the first place! (I am being 100% serious here – this is really the BEST option – really it is!!!)
For those of you who have already been sucked into this disaster arena, meaning the kids have already been birthed and aren’t going anywhere soon – you need to get creative! And quickly!
If your wife is like me – and millions others – and children seem to suck the sexual life out of her, you need to do some serious communicating, accompanied with recognition of her supreme sacrifices, admiration and praise for her heroic efforts of raising YOUR children, and true repentance and sorrow for putting her into this situation in the first place (all the result of sex for the record). You are going to have to work hard with your wife to figure out ways to help relieve some of these sexual desire killing situations for her! Give her breaks, hire some help – babysitters, cleaning ladies, a mommy’s helper, a
prostitute. (just making sure you are paying attention) Better yet – help her out yourself – after all they are your children too!!! Encourage her to take time for herself – to exercise, to hang out with friends (with no children tagging along), take a class, learn a new skill or take up a hobby.
If you want your wife to desire you – you better help her figure out how to save some of that desire, which means keeping the children from taking it all from her! It’s your only option! If you fail – the good news is that the children usually grow up and move away – eventually. The bad news is – they often move back in with even more desire sucking techniques. (Sorry – but I have to level with you. Besides forewarned is forearmed!)
Caution: You may want to be careful while watching the kids while your wife is happily away – your libido will be the next one to go because of the desire sucking creatures! They are not at all picky about their victims.
More Caution: Be sure your wife’s new hobby doesn’t include another good-looking man – with no kids – who happens to also be rich. Or else you may find yourself in a real dilemma! (Just saying)
(In case you are wondering – yes this was a bit of satirical writing – but it is based on whole lot truth)