Warning signs of a troubled marriage
I came across this article “7 signs of a troubled marriage“.
A couple of things stuck out to me. First there is this quote”
“Lots of folks–more often women in my experience–condone their behavior by saying they don’t want to have sex if they don’t feel like it but this position readily becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Both men and women get a boost of oxytocin–the bonding hormone–when sexual or even when cuddling, so paradoxically, if you have sex, you will then feel close (and more sexual) again. It’s a bit like priming the pump.”
Although I already knew this – it just hit me again how if you don’t have sex because you don’t want to have sex because you don’t feel like it makes us not feel like it more and more, and then we want it less and less. To reverse the cycle, you have more sex, which makes you feel like having more sex, which makes you want it more!! It’s amazing to think that this is how God created our bodies to work! He created our bodies to get a boost of the bonding hormone – oxytocin when we have sex and cuddle. So the answer to a low libido is right here for most women – but they just won’t do it!! Many therapists call this answer the “Fake it till you make it” technique.
The other part of this article that stuck out to me is this:
“If the only time that you spend with your mate is conducting the business of the marriage–doing chores, paying bills, managing child care–then the relationship ceases to have the qualities of a deep and tender friendship. As the old Michael Johnson song so aptly put it, “Love will get you through times of no sex better than sex will get you through times of no love…”
One thing I can say about my marriage, even during the long sexual desert period, was we maintained a friendship and spent time together on a regular basis as friends. I like being with my husband, we have fun together. We have always had a weekly date night, we grocery shopped together, when our children were old enough to be at home alone – we walked together in the morning. Even during the years of my GGS when sex was at a minimum (often only once a month for some of those years) we still spent a lot of time together enjoying each other in a non-sexual way. I know that many times, Hubby hoped this time together would help me want to have sex more with him. But sadly, it didn’t – my GGS was just too entrenched. I have wondered often if this friendship and time to together made a difference in our marriage surviving the sexual lean years. It definitely played a part in my being comfortable enough with my husband to reach out to him when I had my sexual awakening.
While these words come from a song – do you agree with the concept “Love will get you through times of no sex better than sex will get you through times of no love…”?
Thoughts on this article?