Hubby and I have been on a downward spiral the last couple of months as far as sexual frequency is concerned. His desire levels have been slowly decreasing for the past year or so (possible reasons why are for another post) but mine have remained the same, up to this point. During this year long decline, I have been the major initiator and he has been the accommodating party. However, for whatever reasons (also another post), this past couple of months my desire levels have also decreased to the point where I feel like I can have sex or leave it and be fine either way. This is the first time I have felt this way since my sexual re-awakening about 7 years ago. The result is our sexual frequency has decreased from about 3-4 times a week, to about 1-2 times a week, because I am not initiating as much. While our frequency has declined before for short periods of time – this is the longest time period that it has been this low since my re-awakening.
While this decline should be troubling to me, what is bothering me more is that Hubby and I seem more emotionally distant around each other, less touchy feely, and short tempered and snippy at each other. We have been going to bed different times so the nighttime cuddling is not occurring often. From the very beginning of our relationship, Hubby has always been physically affectionate towards me every chance he could get away with it. He was raised in a loving demonstrative family, while I was raised in a fairly cold, and non-touchy family and his main love language is touch. He likes to hold hands, hug, put his arms around me, cuddle etc. – even when his desire decreased this past year – his non-sexual displays of affection did not. He usually comes and finds me to kiss me goodbye before leaving to go to work, but not lately. The past several weeks he has yelled on his way out the door “I am leaving – have a good day”. So not only is our sexual frequency decreasing so is our overall physical contact. For the first time that I can remember – last night we went to see a movie and he did not once reach over to hold my hand. He finally put his arms around me the very last part though – so it’s not all stopping.
I wonder – are the displays of affectionate touching decreasing because we are having less sex or because we are more emotionally distant lately or because Hubby is going through a phase? Is my sexual desire decreasing because Hubby desires me less, or because he seems more physically distant, or because I am going through a phase?
Maybe we are both just really tired or getting lazy or going into winter hibernation mode.
All I know – is things are changing and I am pretty sure it’s not for the good!
I think I will have to do an experiment this next month or so. I will let you know the results.