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What do men really want their wives to do to show their love?

Contrast this list from LDS Living online magazine in an article “50 ways to show your husband you love him”:

  1.  TELL HIM you love him.
  2.  Make his favorite meal.
  3.  Leave a short & sweet note on the bathroom mirror for him.
  4.  Arrange for him to go golfing on a Saturday.
  5.  Say you’re sorry first.
  6. Iron his shirts for him.
  7. Notice something he has mentioned needing to replace or has been wanting and get it for him. (Even something small, like new razor blades.)
  8. Plan a date for the two of you and don’t tell him what any of the plans are.
  9. Ask him what’s one thing you could do that would help him feel more satisfied with life, then follow through.
  10. Make a card from scratch (no matter how limited your skills) to tell him how you feel about him.
  11.  Pray for him–in your own prayers and your family/couple prayers, so he can hear.
  12. Give him a foot rub.
  13. Make a list of things you love about him, write them on sticky notes, and hide them all over the house so he’ll continue finding them throughout the week.
  14.  Watch the ball game with him, and if you don’t understand what’s going on, ask questions–he’ll appreciate your efforts and interest.
  15. Ask his advice–then take it!
  16. Thank him for the things he does around the house regularly–whether it’s taking out the trash, sorting through the mail, managing bills, or anything else.
  17. Find and frame an old photo of your early dating or married days. Give it to him to keep on his desk at work. 
  18.  Take a night off to spend time with him, rather than listing all the things you need to do when he suggests relaxing with a movie.
  19. Love yourself, and don’t put yourself down. If you’re happy, he’ll be happy.
  20. Encourage him to spend a night out with his friends.
  21. Send him a text message during the day letting him know you’re thinking about him.
  22.  Run some errands for him that he hasn’t been able to get to–like taking the car to get the oil changed or picking up his dry cleaning.
  23.  Tell your children what you love about their dad.
  24.  Give him a long kiss once you’re both home at the end of the day.
  25.  Pick out a movie he would love (but that you would normally veto) and watch it together.
  26.  Keep his confidences–your girlfriends don’t need to know everything.
  27.  Start a hobby together.
  28.  On your next date, make an extra effort to look your best and get dressed up for him.
  29.  Don’t nag him.
  30.  Thank him often and verbally for being a good husband and father. Mention specific things you appreciate.
  31.  Buy his favorite book for him, or buy him a new one you think he’d love.
  32. Give him the TV remote.
  33.  Cuddle with him on the couch after the kids have gone to bed and ask him about his day.
  34.  Surprise him with a clean car and a full tank.
  35.  Make a to-do list with him of all the things you’d like to do with him in the next year.
  36. Look at him appreciatively throughout the day–and let him catch you doing it.
  37.  Take a picture of him on your phone when you catch him doing something great or sweet, and set it as your background.
  38.  Look after him when he’s sick.
  39.  Listen to him with undivided attention–no multi-tasking!
  40.  Tell him what you loved most about him when you first met.
  41.  Tell him what you love most about him today.
  42.  Buy him a gift card to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
  43.  Surprise him with a romantic evening.
  44.  Think of his most annoying habit. Now, let it go.
  45.  Give him time to unwind after a long day’s work without immediately adding to his to-do list or complaining about your day.
  46.  Support him in his goals and help him to pursue them.
  47.  Write him love notes and hide them in his suitcase when he goes on business trips.
  48.  Hold his hand while you’re at the grocery store or in the car.
  49.  Rather than just asking him to take care of that household project, do it together.
  50.  Recreate your first date or other memorable moments during your courtship.
  51.  And, again, TELL HIM you love him.

with this list in an MSN article:  10 steps to being a better wife:

  1. Take care of yourself
  2. Say thank you often
  3. Keep the romance alive – (which includes initiate sexual play)
  4. Let him have guy time
  5. Make your husband a priority
  6. Don’t try to change him
  7. Don’t make him guess – tell him what you want
  8. Cultivate friends and interest outside your marriage
  9. Let free time be free
  10. Believe in your husband and let him know it

Are these lists that different?  (Other than Mormons tend to be a bit more prolific and think more is better sometimes – 50 vs 10 – whew, talk about being overwhelmed  (and we can’t count – there are actually 51)  lol).  I did notice that sex is not mentioned at all in the LDS article, while it is in the MSN article (in the explanation part under #3 Keep the romance alive, it says initiate sexual play).

Are LDS marriages so different from non-LDS marriages?  Are LDS men that different than non-LDS men?  I don’t think so.

I would like to hear from all men, LDS and non-LDS men – here’s your chance – tell us your list.  What are the top 10 things your wife can do to show you she loves you?  List them in the order of priority of importance to you!

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3 thoughts on “What do men really want their wives to do to show their love?

  1. Leaving sex off of the list is a significant omission, I think. I often feel like we don’t give proper credit, especially in lists like this one, to how effectively sex can strengthen a couple’s bond.

    It seems that whenever I see a list like this, I almost always end up categorizing each entry into Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages: Gifts, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time. It boils a 50 item list down into 5. Or, it serves to give good examples of each love language.

  2. My list:

    Be enthusiastic about making love.
    Take the initiative in showing both affection and desire.
    Make point of being aware of my needs and gladly meeting them without having to be asked (not just sexual needs)
    Genuine praise and appreciation, be my biggest cheerleader and defender, publicly and privately
    Give me your faith and confidence, trust my judgement
    Don’t turn on me when when I fall short in some way
    Make an effort to make love making special (lingerie, makeup, music, etc.)
    Righteous submission to my leadership
    Fierce loyalty.
    Share my pastimes with me.

    Both lists are heavy on the emotional intimacy side. The LDS Living one suggest some things that are likely to lead to sex in a healthy relationship, and the other list mentions sex as an aside to one item.

    I think a lot of us who blog about marriage, or read blogs about marriage, come to these lists looking for our own concerns to be addressed, while the author doesn’t have the point of view.

    Emotional intimacy is harder to achieve than having sex. I think a person who is in a sexually healthy marriage and hasn’t experienced problems in their sex life, or worked with people in that situation, may just take it for granted that getting the sex life right is not a challenge and leave it off the list for that reason. I’m not saying that is the case here, but it may be partly behind it.

  3. I asked hubby…we started fighting when he got to # 4 cos I sooooo don’t do that ( or any of the other things)
    1)swallow
    2) dirt box
    3) trust me ( then don’t forge my signature on bank loans prat …starting to get heated)
    4) don’t complain about cooking ( hellloooo since when? All the time – everyday, no I don’t arsehole …and that’s when I walked out and said forget it )

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