Apparently these tips written by a man who just got divorced have gone viral:
and this women who is on her third marriage gives 10 tips from the female perspective:
And these are my tips that I wrote in response to a young women on a forum awhile back. Later, I re-wrote it for another thread to make it gender neutral as I believe it applies to both spouses:
Its very important for you to remember your brain is your biggest sex organ – for both men and women. It is important to remember that in addition to your roles as parents, you also have the roles of wife, husband, friend and lover – and the husband/wife relationship needs to be nurtured just as much as your children need to be nurtured. If you were to neglect your children it would be disastrous. It is the same with the husband/wife relationship. To neglect it is disastrous and it will not thrive. One of the best ways to nurture the relationship is through having a healthy and frequent sex life with each other. The husband/wife relationship is the only sanctioned place by God for sexual activity to occur. For most men this is how they feel loved and adored. Having a woman that desires them and who wants to please him and allows him to desire her and please her is most men’s biggest desire in a marriage. They don’t just want sex, they also want an emotional connection with their wives and they want to be loved and supported and respected. Most women want to be loved, cherished, and adored. They want to be treated with respect and sensitivity. They want their husbands to talk to them and listen to them They want them to be a good fathers and a righteous leader in their homes.
Making a success of your marriage really is all about attitude. If you want it to be successful and put the work in it will be!
Here are my suggestions of things a woman and man can do for themselves and their marriage to keep the sexual embers burning!
1. Exercise regularly – that will help with your energy level and also your body image. It also often helps ramp up sexual feelings.
2. Eat healthy and regularly – also helps with energy level and body image.
3. Set aside some regular alone time with your spouse every day. During that time, only focus on each other. No TV, or computers, etc. Talk, listen, cuddle, make out – all the things you did while you were courting and before the children came. This seems to go out the window when children come – and it is something that is missed!
4. Have a regular date night once a week. I hear over and over couples say they can not afford a babysitter to do this. I say – you can not afford not to do this. If money is a problem set up babysitting exchanges with other couples. It is so important to keep your relationship alive – to be alone with each other and to have fun together without the kids. You don’t have to spend money on these dates – be creative and just have fun.
5. Be careful of letting resentment build up for things your spouse does or does not do. Discuss things that are bothering you. Watch out for getting into the faulty thinking pattern that your spouse has to do everything the way you think they should or it is wrong. Let them do things their way – and I promise you – your house and children will be just fine. And show appreciation for everything they do and never criticize it in the same sentence. If you need to teach them something so they are more helpful to you – do it at a time when they have not just attempted doing it or just did not do it.
6. Schedule sex time at least 3 times a week. If you have to change the schedule, make it up. Make this the priority it should be. You can still be spontaneous other times and you can surprise each other during these times. Someone suggested 1 time a week, but I don’t think that is enough for the young high drive guys and is really setting the bar too low. Use these scheduled times to take it slow and just touch and hug and reconnect each other – don’t rush right into the sex. Include Lots and lots of foreplay. This is participating sex for both parties! Women, do not EVER get into the habit of saying ” just do and get it over with”. And men – don’t accept pity sex!!! Allow yourself to relax and feel the sensations along with giving each other some sensations. Enjoy pleasing each other. You don’t have to have an orgasm every time, but learn to enjoy the process. Learn about sex, read about it – its an important part of a marriage – a very important part. Women – Don’t make this a chore that it is something you have to do. And men – be careful to not look at your wife as a sex object who it there to fulfill your needs! This is all about attitude, attitude, attitude!
7. Unlike men, most women are not turned on or in the mood when they start having sex, but they do get turned on in the process of having sex if they will let themselves. So women, even if you aren’t feeling it at the moment, try to keep yourself open to sex and allow your brain to get turned on so your body can follow. This really is a conscious effort on your part – if you want to be turned on you have to let yourself get turned on in your head before the body will respond.
8. Women’s bodies change from childbirth and will change during other times of their life too, as will men’s bodies. What worked before for you sexually or what works now, may not necessarily always work for you. So you and your spouse have to be flexible and there will be times that you have to re-discover your changed bodies and look for new things that work.
9. Women, court your husband, flirt with him, stop and think about sex throughout the day. Get your husband to court you again, have him flirt with you. And no he is not a mind reader and should not be expected to know what to do without you telling him!! Men – help her to stay madly in love with you by the way you treat her. Help her to feel she is the most important person in the world to you!
10. Think back to the erotic and romantic times you had before you were married and when you were first married. Use your sex organ – the brain- often!!
11. Women – Do things that make you feel sexy – light candles – take a hot relaxing bath and have your husband join you and wash your hair, wear sexy clothes, etc. Men – romance your women. Keep yourself sexy looking, take care of your hygiene, brush your teeth, etc.!!!!
12. Remember having a healthy happy sex life with your spouse is all about your ATTITUDE towards each other. If you want to have a healthy, happy frequent sex life with each other, and are willing to put in the effort – then you WILL have exactly that!
What tips would you add?