Rejection – a horrible feeling
I wrote about this experience on another site several months ago:
The other night as we lay in bed, I reached over and gently began to rub my husband’s pubic area. I wasn’t looking for sex, but if it went there that was fine by me. I just wanted a connection, to feel him, to be close to him. I gingerly rubbed around his groin, playing with the hair – it wasn’t going anywhere for him – and that was fine (mostly). It was comforting to just lay there and feel him. I needed to feel him. Suddenly, he took my hand and lifted it away and placed it on the bed. I knew he didn’t feel good, I knew he was stressed, I knew I shouldn’t take it personally -but somehow it felt personal! It hurt, a stab of pain in my heart – and tears welled up in my eyes. Was I not attractive to him any more, did my touch repulse him now? I rolled over and thought of all the times, the zillion times, over and over, I did the same to him. How many times he must have felt the same pain, asked himself the same questions. Yes – rejection is a horrible feeling. It cuts to the core of our being and makes us feel unloved, unwanted, and unattractive. It hurts! Sometimes it is not personal – but it always feels personal!
A couple of weeks ago, once again my husband was under a lot of pressure at work and had a lot of stress going on in his life from other sources too. His libido took a huge nose dive, and every time I initiated sex he turned me down. I tried to be understanding, but after one episode of being pushed away, feeling really hurt I blurted out “Rejection really sucks and it hurts too. But I guess you know that since that’s all you got from me for so many years.” He looked at me in surprise and said, “I am not rejecting you.”
“Really?” I replied! “What the heck do you think you are doing when you pull away or turn away from me? If you are NOT rejecting me, then why does it feel like you are? I would think that you of all people would understand rejection and how it feels.” He had no answers for me but over the next few days he changed his behavior!
I am guessing he understood the feeling of rejection – all too well, he just didn’t recognize it from the other view point!