This post is in response to the comments on my last post – here!
We always thought my husband had a high sexual drive. Surprisingly, after I had my sexual awakening, his drive dropped considerably. Hearing that others had the same result happen to their spouse in similar circumstances, I have concluded that he really did not have a high drive in the first place, he was just sexually starving which caused him to be hungry for sex all the time. When he is well fed sexually and is satisfied, then he does not desire sex all the time, and instead of wanting sex daily or more, like he use too, he is actually quite content with 3 or 4 times a week.
It is human nature to crave what you can’t have, especially if what you want is sitting in front of your face all the time. This fact explains why diets fail most of the time. Once you try to cut out certain foods completely, especially your favorite foods – in my case its donuts and pastries – your craving for them intensifies . That craving increases to an almost unbearable level, when you are around those foods.
In my weight control endeavors, I have found that instead of totally restricting certain foods, I get better results when I concentrate on choosing healthier foods and eating smaller meals more often so that I am not hungry. This helps reduce the cravings for the foods that are not good for me. But when I start noticing that a craving for a certain food begins to build, if I allow myself to think that I can have it if I really want it, and will have some later, just not right now, or if I allow myself to have just a little after I fill up on some healthier foods first, then the craving goes away, most of the time. But If I don’t eat regularly and if I am really hungry, and the foods I crave the most are in front of me, it seems the craving for that food just builds and builds until I can no longer control myself and I end up on a total pig out binge which usually includes not only that particular food, but any other unhealthy one that is within my grasp. Keeping myself well fed, and knowing that I can have a food anytime I want, helps me not crave those foods as much and I am usually perfectly happy to say, “I don’t have to have that donut right now, because I know I can have it later if I still want it.”
I believe that for many people who think they have a very high sexual drive, a similar principle applies instead. Their high drive is really just a manifestation of their intense craving for the sex and connection with their spouse that they can not have. Because their spouse denies them sex most of the time they are sexually starving. And because their spouse is there, right in front of them, tempting them – the craving is there all the time and seems unbearable. If they were allowed to have sex with their spouse when ever they craved it, and if their spouse kept them regularly fed with a healthy dose of sexual and emotional connection, I think many of them would find they really have a more average sex drive instead of a high one because they would not be starving for it anymore!