LDS Gals learning to embrace sexuality

God created our bodies to enjoy sex – what's not to enjoy?

Starving Spouses

This post is in response to the comments on my last post – here!

We always thought my husband had a high sexual drive.  Surprisingly, after I had my sexual awakening, his drive dropped considerably.  Hearing that others had the same result happen to their spouse in similar circumstances,  I have concluded that he really did not have a high drive in the first place, he was just sexually starving which caused him to be hungry for sex all the time.  When he is well fed sexually and is satisfied, then he does not desire sex all the time, and instead of wanting sex daily or more, like he use too, he is actually quite content with 3 or 4 times a week.

It is human nature to crave what you can’t have, especially if what you want is sitting in front of your face all the time.  This fact explains why diets fail most of the time.  Once you try to cut out certain foods completely, especially your favorite foods – in my case its donuts and pastries – your craving for them intensifies .  That craving increases to an almost unbearable level, when you are around those foods.

In my weight control endeavors, I have found that instead of totally restricting certain foods, I get better results when I concentrate on choosing healthier foods and eating smaller meals more often so that I am not hungry.  This helps reduce the cravings for the foods that are not good for me.  But when I start noticing that a craving for a certain food begins to build,  if  I allow myself to think that I can have it if I really want it, and will have some later, just not right now, or if I allow myself to have just a little after I fill up on some healthier foods first, then the craving goes away, most of the time.   But If I don’t eat regularly and if I am really hungry, and the foods I crave the most are in front of me, it seems the craving for that food just builds and builds until I can no longer control myself and I end up on a total pig out binge which usually includes not only that particular food, but any other unhealthy one that is within my grasp.   Keeping myself well fed, and knowing that I can have a food anytime I want, helps me not crave those foods as much and I am usually perfectly happy to say, “I don’t have to have that donut right now, because I know I can have it later if I still want it.”

I believe that for many people who think they have a very high sexual drive,  a similar principle applies instead.  Their high drive is really just a manifestation of their intense craving for the sex and connection with their spouse that they can not have.  Because their spouse denies them sex most of the time they are sexually starving.  And because their spouse is there, right in front of them, tempting them – the craving is there all the time and seems unbearable.  If they were allowed to have sex with their spouse when ever they craved it, and if their spouse kept them regularly fed with a healthy dose of sexual and emotional connection, I think many of them would find they really have a more average sex drive instead of a high one because they would not be starving for it anymore!

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3 thoughts on “Starving Spouses

  1. Makes sense…

  2. A Happy Hubby on said:

    And to add one bit more to the analogy, if the infrequent meals are not very satisfying, you are hungry very quickly after the meal.

    I think it parallels having to make dinner at the end of your fast. What if you were expecting to be able to eat, but then you hear, “not tonight”. You bet the next time you smelled the food in the kitchen that you would have intense cravings for food.

    You would have to mention donuts! I am trying to give up those for a while. 🙂

  3. I believe there is a lot to support this supposition. I know when my wife and I once talked about scheduling sex she asked how often. I said everyday. I then told her I knew this was unrealistic, though it has been done my others, but that is how I felt. I then told her I knew once I was having sex on a DEPENDABLE,
    REGULAR basis and got sated, I would be happy with a minimum of 3 times a week. I really like ice cream. I could eat it everyday, but I also know if I did it would be very easy to miss days here and there with no feeling of deprivation and I would be comfortable knowing that ice cream was there waiting anytime I wanted it.

    We never did do sex daily. I didn’t really intend that, but since she asked….? The point is that when we are assured a need (I consider it a need, anyway.) in our life will be met we don’t obsess about it. When we also know it will be met almost certainly on our demand, we then have no anxiety over that need being satisfied either. It is the obsessing and anxiety that manifests as an overly-high drive when this may not be the case at all. What we really have is a disparity over supply and demand. Why is it we don’t feel someone is obsessing when they ask when dinnertime is and what is being served? Why are they not obsessing about food, but to show the same interest in sex is abnormal? And yes! I do think it is normal for a healthy male to think about sex daily. Not that he normally does, but that to do so is normal. Just because you are a woman and don’t (perhaps and perhaps not) doesn’t mean men are abnormal because they do. It just means we are different….and that your sex drive is waaaay to low. HA!

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