LDS Gals learning to embrace sexuality

God created our bodies to enjoy sex – what's not to enjoy?

Where am I now – Learning to embrace my sexuality

Continued from My story – early years  and  My  story – turning off my sexual feelings

My story continues – Re-awakening and learning to embrace my sexuality:

In my mid 40’s my life took a U-turn.  This is the period of my life that I now refer to as my re-awakening period – both sexually and spiritually.  It was during this time that I started to have sexual feelings stir in me for the first time in  a long long time.  It was also during this same period of time that I started to question my beliefs in the Mormon church.  Eventually,  in a very painful process, I ended up pretty much tearing all of my life long beliefs apart in order to examine what it was I really believed.   Along the way  I also started questioning why I had turned myself off sexually.  As I once again began to rebuild my spiritual faith and worked on figuring out which beliefs I could hold firm to and which ones I could not, I came to the conclusion that I turned myself off sexually for no good reason.  I made a decision, a strong commitment to allow  myself to feel sexual again and to continue the process of exploring my sexuality with my husband.   He thought he had died and gone to heaven.  Several times he jokingly  asked me, “Who are you, and what have you done with my wife!”  He also feared it would not last long.  But it has continued – its been over 7 years now.

This re-awakening and questioning period was the beginning of my journey – a long over-due journey into learning to embrace my sexuality.  It has not been easy as old habits die slowly, and faulty thinking patterns resurface now and then.   As my journey continues,  I am constantly discovering so many amazing benefits to my marriage because of the change in my attitude about sex.  My relationship with my husband is better than I could ever have imagined and the quality of my marriage increases daily – simply from having a frequent, loving, healthy sexual relationship together.  I am still learning and growing.  I am rebuilding my faith in the Mormon church, bit by bit – trying to weed out what I consider to be teachings of men, and cultural teachings, while keeping the core doctrines centered around Jesus Christ.   I am concentrating on rebuilding my relationship with God through prayer, reading scriptures about doctrines that help me improve my relationship with Christ, and working on accepting His grace and His atonement in my life.  Rebuilding my spiritual beliefs  has turned out to be an important part of my sexual journey.    I believe that spirituality and sexuality can and should co-exist quite nicely.   Meshing them has not been easy – and I am a long ways from where I want to be.  But I persevere in trying!

I want to share my thoughts and experiences on this blog in the hopes that it may help others who are or who have gone through some similar experiences.  I hope to help others avoid or overcome the pitfalls I experienced.  My story is not unique to women in the LDS church.  Many, many women have problems dealing with and accepting their sexuality and their spirituality.   Life is too short, and so much time is wasted with destructive relationship cycles and faulty thinking patterns.  These cycles and patterns can be changed – if we really want them to.  It all begins with a choice – the choice to change!

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7 thoughts on “Where am I now – Learning to embrace my sexuality

  1. userdand on said:

    I am a male planning on starting a blog about sexuality and marriage relationships. I think you could be an excellent resource to help me present a balanced viewpoint as I plan on presenting to females primarily. From my limited reading to this point, you write well and seem not to feel all men are lusting beasts. So far, so good. Are you amenable to my asking you questions on occasion which you may or may not answer?

    • Absolutely – ask away! But I can’t guarantee I will answer until I see the questions and the blog!

      • userdand on said:

        Thanks. I’ll keep you in mind. I’m not really saying I want to put your name out there if that is a concern. Right now I am looking for an occasional sounding board to keep me honest and you seem to have a thought process that lends itself to reason in a way similar to a man’s which makes you easier of me to understand and relate with. It will be a bit before I get rolling. My intent is to try to give as honest answers as I can about how men think and feel about sex and women. Yes, it would have been nice to wrap that up in the word relationship instead of those two, but that is the kind of relationship and with whom men seem to be the most befuddled. We have a difficult time being intimate without it being a precursor to sex. That’s often turned on its head to say the only time we are intimate is when we want sex. This is a half-truth and representative of one of the issues I want to address. Of course, all of this is from my paradigm and one man’s opinion. Hopefully, a community will build that will expand upon what I put out there and even provide counter-point as necessary.

        Just when I thought I was starting to understand women, I read Naomi Wolf and Shere Hite very recently. Two steps forward and one back. Not exactly square one, but a lot of rethinking. Hite was ahead of her time and seems so much less radical now than then.

  2. I know – we women are complicated. So complicated we often don’t even understand ourselves! It sounds like an interesting blog. Keep me informed!

  3. marriedldsman1 on said:

    Your journey has helped me in so many ways. My wife and I are right in the middle of improving our marriage. Between my over-zealous concentration on my career (gotta support the family… even while sacrificing the family right? Sigh), and some amazingly bad input from her trusted family doctor prior to our wedding (only private parts should touch private parts… and other absurdities), we are just now beginning to blossom sexually.

    As you well know through your experience, sometimes it’s a long road. Trials of faith seem to come along for the ride. It did with me as well. Similar to you, the great part about the faith trial is it has led me to rely more upon the Savior and less upon our culture. More upon doing my duty in the Church out of love for the Savior and less for scoring good points within the ward.

    All in all, a great and wondrous journey. Plus we’re now having fun in the bedroom! And y’know what else? God’s pretty happy with all of it, and we are happier as well. It’s wonderful how that all works together. As we grow closer together, we grow closer to Christ.

    Thank you for your inspired advice and willingness to share.

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